Cleaning
by fakeasain56
Summary: The team has a domestic cleaning squabble in the middle of battle.


Rocket had been in many, many situations before, but this situation stunk the second worst. And not in a figurative metaphorical term. No, this was the literal, even Drax would agree with him, term. The only reason why this was second worst was because- "This almost smells as bad as the bathroom on the Milano." Drax offered.

Groot was curled into as small of a ball as a gigantic tree could get. "I am Groot."

Rocket nodded almost sympathetically. "I agree Groot, Drax. It almost is as bad."

"Don't-" Peter began, only for Gamora to cut him off with a grim expression.

"At least it is only smell and nothing else."

Peter exploded- this time in a metaphorical sense. In an outraged whisper (they were _hiding_ after all) he snarled, "Don't even start! It's not my turn to do the bathroom!"

"Not that you even do that when it's your turn anyways!" Gamora sniped back, arms crossing. She peered around a nearby boulder, and scanned the surroundings. Seeing nobody, she turned back to Peter. "We all know you have been dodging your duties!"

"Says the woman who never does the dishes!"

"Both the bathroom and the kitchen are in an abominable state." Drax agreed. His knife whistled to one side, taking out a creeping scout. The man went down in a gurgle of blood.

Rocket felt the need to point out, "You haven't helped out any either, and your habit of bringing hearts in giant chalices-"

"Once. Only once. Peter asked for it!"

"It was a metaphor! Not a real- go out and hunt someone down to rip out their heart still beating to give to me!"

"—And the only thing clean about your room is the knives. And even those aren't strapped down. What if we go through a storm and they skewer through the wall? I'm on the other side you know!" Rocket, as he spoke, shot off the head of another scout.

This brought everyone running.

Not before Groot got in one last, "I am Groot."

Rocket skittered up his trunk, as Groot forged forward. "There is nothing wrong with my room."

"Says the guy who has twenty different bombs that can explode a small asteroid just casually lying around in his room."

"I am Groot."

Rocket felt a little bit hurt at that. "Whaddya mean my room stinks of oil? It does not! You take that back! Besides, you're the one who never cleans up your old leaves or pollen!"

Gamora nodded, "You shouldn't use your room for composting Groot."

"I am Groot."

Peter wasn't an expert on Groot speak, but even he could decipher the pure _innocence_ in that statement. "I didn't Groot. Don't even pretend I did."

Groot grumbled, the sensation traveling through his shoulders into Rocket's feet as a soft hum. Rocket fired at the twenty that came screeching around the corner.

"When we get back to the Milano, we are all going to clean it," Gamora announced. Drax's face fell. "And Peter, you're cleaning the bathroom."

"What! Why me?!"

"Because you're the one who uses it the most often. We will each handle our own rooms."

Groot made a noise, long arm punching through five or six men. Rocket shook his head, "Fuck no. You aren't getting me to translate that!"

It was roughly along the lines of how only Gamora would be okay with that, because only Gamora had a clean room in the first place. "We _are_ cleaning." Gamora's tone brooked no argument. "And we're not eating until its done!"

"Ahh, this reminds me of the last time my wife said that." Drax reflected, "We went five days without eating before we were done to her satisfaction."

"Sounds rough dude," A grunt chimed in from where he was taking cover behind a rock. "My girlfriend said the same thing last time I saw her. Promised I'd do it after I came back from this mission."

"It is a most disagreeable task." Drax agreed in a rare moment of bonding.

"Trust me, get the Scallian cleaners. Those'll strip anything from oil, grease, paint straight down to the metal." The grunt suggested, before pausing as if just realizing something, "Wait, what is your ship built out of anyways?"

Another grunt pipped up from where he too had taken cover, "It also eats straight through any carbon-based lifeforms."

"Oh, come off it."

"And is highly poisonous to anyone not from the planet Vulpiter." The second continued.

"Hey! Just because it releases cyanide doesn't mean you have to be _on_ the ship when you use it. Just get one of those robots that'll spray it on for you."

"Nah, use Gleaner instead. That stuff _doesn't_ strip off your paint, _and_ it isn't poisonous!"

"Nuh-uh, Gleaner's the worst!" A third was butting in now, and Peter was beginning to lower his weapons as the grunts started swarming to each other to compare cleaners. "I tried using that on my own small space ship and it somehow worked its ways into the wires and short-circuited everything."

"Only because you used it wrong! You're supposed to wrap the wires in-"

"Like flying fuck I'm doing something that stupid!"

Within minutes Rocket found himself not only no longer shooting, but also taking notes (Gamora's orders) on what should be used for which cleaning. Groot rumbled beneath him, "Yeah, you're right Groot. Anything that hurts plants are off limits."

That was how the Nova Star Corps found them a half-hour later. Rocket and Peter holding a long shopping list, Gamora delegating the cleaning tasks with everyone nodding along, and Drax mournfully looking at his blades and reminiscing about the last time he had been forced to clean.

Well, it wasn't the weirdest situation they had ever found the Guardians in.

* * *

_a/n: For the GotG kink meme on LJ. Edited and cleaned it up a bit to post here._


End file.
